Choices?

Raising children is the best job around! And also, the most challenging. Young children are finding their voices, learning to navigate big feelings, and discovering their likes and dislikes. As language develops, understanding what they want, or need can be extremely difficult. We know that giving children choices helps them to feel a sense of agency and empowerment that often leads to cooperation. Providing choices helps children learn to make good decisions as they grow. Ideally, giving children “two great choices” is a strategy we have found to be very effective for avoiding power struggles while helping parents stay in charge in a positive, loving way.

There are times, however, when giving choices isn’t ALWAYS helpful to children. When children become dysregulated and spiral out of control, their brains are flooded with stress, and they cannot think clearly. Giving choices at these times feels overwhelming, like a big black hole that they get lost in leading to further upset and dysregulation.

At these times, they need boundaries to end the madness which helps them to calm down and adapt. Children won’t be happy with or thank us for the boundary, but setting clear limits allows the child to move on positively. Our goal is to prepare children for the world in which they will live, and often we have choices, but sometimes we don’t. Teaching our children to navigate those times when they don’t have a choice is an important life skill and an essential part of healthy development.

Enjoy these two articles regarding more guidance on when children need choices versus when they need a firm, loving boundary. A reminder that all of us at CCEP support your parenting needs, we are partners in raising well-adjusted, healthy people.

When Not to Give a Child Choices | Psychology Today

We're always told to give kids choices—but here's where it can backfire - Today's Parent